The Sunday Currently | 06

How time flies! I woke up on a Monday morning and the next thing I know it's Sunday! The thing is I cannot differentiate what happened within the week. It seems like the same thing happens and the cycle repeats. I'm almost on my second month there and seems like I had been there for months already.

There are a few things happened lately. I had never been so exposed to the realities of this world ever before. I was overwhelmed to know that some of what I believe in  has to be compromised. It is like you have to be tough if you don't want to compromise. It's hard because I'm idealistic and the morals that I believe in, sometimes doesn't apply to the "rules" of business. Some of my values were compromised because of practical reasons. Maybe that's the reason why I can't thrive in this kind of area since I don't want to work just to earn money. I want a kind of environment that has a greater purpose and to have a good impact to people/world, cheesy as it may sound, but the world needs more people with the same thinking. I want to live my life with a desire, a fire within me. As of now, I will learn the most out of this experience and would try to apply what I have learned for some purposes.

What I look forward for most days is Sunday. Aside from having a time away from the real world, I get to be with my SO. For most Sundays, we tried different restaurants and different food. I'm planning to post them here soon. I feel blessed to have my SO around. It seems like I'm being so loved and special. It's like he is my comfort and safe haven from the world outside. Indeed, he's one of the many reasons why life is beautiful.

I have been writing poems lately and might consider to post some of them here. See you on my next post!

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THE SUNDAY CURRENTLY | VOL 05

I slept and woke up half-hearted knowing that I have to go back to reality again. Whenever I go home, my energy is so low and my being is exhausted. Ever since I started this, I wake up earlier than usual. I wake up tired and still want to sleep. I don't know why but I can't even complete 6 hours of sleep. There's nothing much of a difference in terms of hours spent in this thing called reality, but  I used to still have time before for watching movies, do some watercolor or just do something I love. The scheduling is a lot different though. Mornings are laid back and slow, while evenings are fast-paced and tiresome. I can't be productive at night because I'm weary and I'm doing household chores in the morning. I used to love evening where I can be with my creative self since nights are supposed to be calm, quiet and laid back. These are the side effects of my new reality as of now: lesser time for myself, adjusting, confusion if this is right and missing my old habits. It seems that I am getting consumed by my work day by day. My life recently is mostly centered to my work, which could be the reason why I am having these anxieties. 

Basically, what makes me happy is free time to do the things I want to do. I thought I can compromise a little bit of time by just having a day off, but I was wrong. Because of the stiff scheduling, I can't attend workshops and learn something new. I knew from the start that this will happen, but I gave a try because what if it's just my pessimistic self trying to stop me. I was also thinking that it is not practical to stop, without having any plan B. My friends say to just give it a try and chance, but is it worth it? Is it just my emotions rule over me, is it wrong? I have been in the process of being nowhere to go and I'm scared to do it all again. I have also invested some time, effort and money, should I just give it a try for few months?

I used to have anxieties back in college but it doubled up as of now. It seems like I'm not being myself. I feel unmotivated to go there, but mind you the people there are friendly. The thought of having a daily routine of work and home is distressing me. Could it be that I'm still adjusting and overthinking my situation? It could be, but overthinking or being negative is something I unconsciously do. Indeed, the greatest enemy you'll ever have is yourself. Someone told me, " Don't let yourself be overcome by your thoughts." He also told me that instead of being drown in my negativity, why not think of a solution? But I haven't found a solution yet. Maybe I'll just try to be grateful everyday and remind myself why I am here. As what I said to my last post (The Sunday Currently Vol 04), "I am here to grow, to learn and to get to know myself more". I think I always forget that line.

On the brighter side, I'm blessed to be surrounded with people who are loving and helping me in any sorts. I could be in a worse stage, but I am always inspired with  people who believes in me. What did they saw in me that I didn't saw? Why can they see potential in me while I can't? Those thoughts left me hanging for a moment. I remembered what a friend of mine once told me, "You are a smart, but it seems that you just don't trust yourself."

After all, this is a journey I must take.

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